9-7-25 - 23rd Sunday in Ordinary Time
Our gospel this week has some strong words to say about family relations and our relationship with God “If anyone comes to me without hating his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. (Luke 14:25 ff). At first glance one might wonder if I follow Jesus, do I have to hate my parents, siblings, etc.? The word “hate” in biblical literature can have different meanings. For example, much of the New Testament and even some of the Old Testament was initially written or translated into Greek. The Greek word for “hate” that is often used in the bible is “miseo” which means “to love less.”1 Using that type of meaning, Jesus is saying that the love of God is primary and must come before the love of anyone or anything else. To follow Jesus requires of us such a position in our lives. Using this understanding we see that while loving our parents, siblings, and relatives is very important, (i.e. 5th commandment Honor thy father and mother) at times we must be willing to let the love of God take precedence over what are the plans others may have for us. When one shares the same faith relationship that their family also shares then this can be blessed relationship grounded in the love of God. But sometimes this is not the case in every family. I remember a number of years ago when I was directing a program for individuals who wanted to become Catholics. I came across a candidate who was struggling mightily with that decision because of his family's reaction to his desire to become Catholic. They challenged him feeling that he was abandoning all of his family's traditions by seeking to become Catholic. He struggled for months whether to go forward or not with his decision to become Catholic. In the end though, he felt that this was what God was asking of him even though he wasn’t sure exactly why. Since he became Catholic, he has gone one to do so very wonderful things in the Church and in his personal life. God doesn’t always explain His reasons to us. These reasons sometimes may only become evident later when we look backwards at our lives and decisions and we see God’s footprints right behind us, as if He is guiding us forward. “Who can know God’s counsel, or who can conceive what the Lord intends?” (Book of Wisdom 9:13) Sometimes God asks of us what feels like blind trust to follow Him. There’s a story told of a young woman who was heavily burdened by her father’s lifelong criticism of her. His harsh words had physically shaped her posture, her presence, her spirit. Her view of God was also warped into someone who only saw the woman’s faults and failures. It was not until many years later in a therapeutic setting that she felt comfortable and safe enough to finally express her anger—and in doing so, her healing began. As she was able to gradually discuss her feelings with her father, she learned from him that he too, was raised in a similar fashion of criticism, and of being blamed and/or shamed into obedience. At first, it was difficult to express any love toward her father but with therapy on both their parts she gradually admitted to him what his treatment of her did to her. She also admitted how that abusive treatment shaped her view of God as a judgmental father ready to punish her for the least improper behavior. As a result, she never found the courage or the desire to pray to God. But as she grew stronger emotionally, even her physical posture improved, so she stood up straight and tall. Her confidence in trying new things and making new relationships improved. Gradually she and her father reconciled by realizing the generational factors that shaped both the father’s parenting skills and her initial reaction. Also, as she grew healthier, physically, and emotionally, she was able to grow spiritually and to open up herself to God. Eventually, that understanding of a loving God enabled her to form a deeper, truer relationship with God and with her father. Like with her earthly father, when she no longer felt shame, fear, or anxiety toward him, she was able to not feel shamed by God. Gradually she even came to love God more, than even her earthly father. She still loved her father, but the love for God was now first in her life. And as she grew healthier emotionally and spiritually, she was able to let go of her anxieties and her sense of shame. And for the first time in years, she stood upright—body and soul. Empowered by her love for God she was able to see herself as a special creation of God’s love. And gradually she was able to look on others, even her father, as a special creation of God’s love. Sometimes, honoring our parents doesn’t mean obeying them in everything. It means loving them through the power of God’s love, and not out of guilt or fear or submission to manipulation.2 As God becomes more sacred in our lives, then we begin to see the sacredness of all life. That kind of love and awareness takes, time, grace, and patience to develop. By our own efforts to bring it about we may find ourselves at loss of how or where to begin. But when we bring God into our desire and efforts, when we allow our love to grow in God, and in others, we grow stronger. Strong enough to see fruit being born where before there was only a withered tree.
1. Sunday Sermons (adapted) 2. Ibid (adapted)
